Seven Cemeteries (2024) – A Wild Horror-Comedy Ride with Danny Trejo

Saddle up for a bloody, hilarious, and downright bizarre adventure with Seven Cemeteries (2024), a horror-comedy-action mashup that reimagines The Magnificent Seven with a supernatural twist. Directed by John Gulager (Feast, Piranha 3DD) and starring the iconic Danny Trejo, this indie B-movie hit select theaters and digital platforms on October 11, 2024, delivering a campy, gory spectacle perfect for fans of over-the-top genre flicks. With a Mexican witch, resurrected outlaws, and a ruthless drug lord, Seven Cemeteries is a chaotic love letter to Trejo’s badass persona and low-budget charm. Here’s everything you need to know about this wild ride.

Release Date and Production Updates

Seven Cemeteries premiered as a limited theatrical release on October 11, 2024, alongside a simultaneous launch on video-on-demand (VOD) platforms like Amazon, Apple TV, Fandango at Home, and Microsoft Store. It’s also streaming on Hoopla and available for free with ads on platforms like Freevee and Plex. The film, distributed by Quiver Distribution, had a modest box office run, grossing $188,173 in the UK, Australia, and New Zealand, reflecting its niche appeal. Directed by John Gulager, who won Project Greenlight for his 2005 cult hit Feast, the movie was written by Gulager and Joel Soisson (Trick or Treat), with production by 7C Productions and Rebellium Films. Filming took place in Texas, capturing a dusty border-town vibe, with a budget estimated in the low millions, typical for indie horror-comedy. A trailer dropped in September 2024, hyped by Trejo himself on X, where he called it “one of the best movies I’ve ever done with wall-to-wall action”. The 1-hour-24-minute runtime, unrated but equivalent to R for gore, language, and violence, ensures a lean, relentless pace.

Cast: A Rogues’ Gallery of Genre Favorites

The cast of Seven Cemeteries is a treasure trove of familiar faces, led by the legendary Danny Trejo:

• Danny Trejo stars as Santana Bravo, a grizzled ex-con and former outlaw who’s paroled after 28 years for a wrongful conviction. Trejo, known for Machete and From Dusk Till Dawn, plays his signature tough-guy role with a mix of humor and heart, resurrecting his old posse to save the day.
• Maria Canals-Barrera plays Bruja, a mysterious Mexican witch who revives Bravo and grants him the power to raise the dead. Canals-Barrera (Wizards of Waverly Place) brings gravitas and mystique to the supernatural role.
• Efren Ramirez portrays Miguel, Bruja’s zombie assistant and a key ally, adding quirky humor. Ramirez (Napoleon Dynamite) shines in the film’s comedic moments.
• Sal Lopez plays Abuelo, the ruthless drug lord hellbent on seizing a family ranch. Lopez (Full Metal Jacket) delivers a menacing yet theatrical villain.
• Samantha Ashley as Carmela, the ranch owner fighting to protect her land, and Raul Casso as her partner Matteo, anchor the emotional stakes, though their roles are limited.
• Supporting players include Lew Temple (The Walking Dead), Vincent M. Ward (The Walking Dead), Noel Gugliemi (The Fast and the Furious), Sol Rodríguez, Richard Esteras, Terry Hoyos, Emma Ramos, and Wil Wilson as Bravo’s resurrected posse, a motley crew of undead luchadores, gunmen, and outlaws. Ronnie Clark plays the corrupt Sheriff Jake, adding to the chaos.

The ensemble leans into the film’s campy tone, with Trejo’s larger-than-life presence and the posse’s one-liners stealing the show, though some characters feel underdeveloped due to the short runtime.

Plot: A Gory, Supernatural Spin on a Western Classic

Set in Diablo County, Texas, near the Mexican border, Seven Cemeteries kicks off with crime lord Abuelo (Lopez) pressuring Carmela (Ashley) and Matteo (Casso) to sell their ancestral ranch. When they refuse, Abuelo brutally kills Matteo and gives Carmela an ultimatum: hand over the land by day’s end or face death. Meanwhile, Santana Bravo (Trejo), freshly paroled after 28 years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit, visits Matteo, only to learn of his murder. Before Bravo can act, corrupt Sheriff Jake (Clark) and his deputies execute him in a setup tied to a stolen rifle. Enter Bruja (Can sardonic one-liners, from undead luchadores to an accordion-playing villain, though critics noted the humor often falls flat, with outdated or forced gags. The action-horror elements fare better, with inventive kills—like a shotgun blast to the head and an exploding body—though excessive CGI blood detracts from some scenes. The film’s 4.5/10 IMDb rating and 30% Rotten Tomatoes score reflect its polarizing reception, with fans praising its “hysterically funny” and “gross” charm, while detractors call it “cheesy” and “terrible”.

Director and Creative Vision

John Gulager, a horror veteran known for Feast and Piranha 3DD, directs Seven Cemeteries with a clear love for B-movie excess. His Project Greenlight win in 2005 launched his career, and this film channels the same gonzo energy as Feast, blending gore, humor, and action. Co-written with Joel Soisson, the script riffs on The Magnificent Seven and Return of the Living Dead, but critics argue it underdelivers on its comedic potential, with too many deadpan or dated jokes. Cinematographer Jakub Kijowski and production designer Jagna Dobesz create a striking border-town aesthetic, with dusty landscapes and eerie cemeteries shot in Texas. The practical effects, including gruesome zombie makeup and explosive kills, are a highlight, though CGI blood and uneven editing drew criticism. Gulager’s direction leans into the film’s low-budget charm, embracing its flaws to deliver a “so bad it’s good” vibe for the right audience.

Why It Matters

Seven Cemeteries taps into the enduring appeal of Danny Trejo, whose cult following ensures a built-in audience for his gritty, charismatic roles. The film’s blend of horror, comedy, and Western tropes, infused with Hispanic cultural elements like luchadores and Mexican witchcraft, offers a unique spin on the zombie genre, where the undead are the heroes. Its loose homage to The Magnificent Seven adds a layer of nostalgic appeal, though it lacks the depth of its inspiration. As an indie project, it showcases the tenacity of low-budget filmmaking, with Gulager and Soisson rebounding from less successful efforts like Children of the Corn: Runaway. While not a critical darling, its campy, gory fun has resonated with fans on platforms like Reddit, who call it a “thrill ride” for those who don’t take it too seriously. Available on VOD and streaming, it’s an accessible pick for Halloween season or a rowdy movie night.

Where to Catch Up

Seven Cemeteries is streaming on Hoopla, Freevee, Plex, and the Plex Channel (with ads), or available to rent ($6.99) or buy ($14.99) on Amazon, Apple TV, Fandango at Home, and Microsoft Store. Check showtimes for limited theatrical runs via Fandango. For context, watch Gulager’s Feast on Tubi to get a feel for his horror-comedy style, or Trejo’s Machete on Hulu for more of his badassery. The trailer, available on Amazon or JoBlo’s YouTube channel, showcases the film’s wild tone. Dive into fan reactions on Reddit’s r/horror or r/movies, where viewers debate its humor and gore. For more on the cast, check out Efren Ramirez in Napoleon Dynamite on Max or Maria Canals-Barrera in Wizards of Waverly Place on Disney+. Follow Danny Trejo on X for updates on his projects, including his tease of a potential sequel.

Seven Cemeteries is a gloriously unhinged B-movie that doesn’t pretend to be high art. If you’re in the mood for Danny Trejo leading a zombie posse through a bloody, laugh-filled showdown, this is your flick. Grab some friends, crank up the volume, and enjoy the chaos.

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Sources: IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes, MovieInsider, JoBlo, Voices From The Balcony, Fandango, Rebellium Films, Reddit, Amazon, Apple TV, TV Guide, and posts on X.